06.06.04
tim

i should be doing other stuff, but i feel like updating.

so tim and i used to be best friends. i mean...he and i did everything together. we played, we talked, we fought, we laughed, we pondered theology (i enjoyed this type of thing as a 7 year old, how weird am i?), our families were so close i always called his mom and dad 'aunt susan and uncle phil', his brothers were like my other set of big brothers. from the time we were born, we were inseperable. we could talk about anything, and we did.

but jr high changes everything.

tim and i drifted apart. while we may have remained close spirited, girls and boys just dont hang out when your 12, right? so we didnt. i didnt have any friends for a while, he had a ton. i eventually found my place with a small group of close friends, and tim was the guy that everyone recognized. he was athletic, good looking (i suppose...i could never really bring myself to think of him that way), sweet and had a great sense of humor that always kept everyone laughing. all through highschool, the distance remained between us, though the closeness was somehow still there. our families always got together on christmas and easter, and still do, and somehow...while we never hung out or spent tons of time together...we were like family.

i suppose when it was when our families went to europe together my senior year of highschool that i really realized that, even though so many years had passed, i could still talk to tim. we sat in the back of the van we rented and talked about all sorts of things.

since then, we've talked a bit more, though still we never became as close as we used to be. but the bond of a dear childhood friend is never fully broken.

tim got married yesterday. shauna is a wonderful girl, and i am so very happy for them. seeing them together, watching them dance, it was amazing to see two people who loved eachother so much. but at the same time, i had an odd emotional reaction that i still dont really understand.

i cried more during their wedding than i did during my brothers. i never cry at weddings to begin with, just those two, and i cried quite a bit during tims. something just...wow.

i danced with him at the reception, and we got to talk a little bit. we both got pretty choked up. when we started, he just looked at me and said, "abby, we're growing up." and we talked about all the times we used to get together and talk and play and laugh, and he thanked me several times for coming to the wedding (it was about 5 hrs away from where we live, in shauna's hometown), and "for everything"...to which i said "thank you for my childhood."

it's crazy. i dont know why this is affecting me so much emotionally. even now, thinking about when we used to play together as kids, my eyes get a bit misty. i used to tease him about being younger than me (i'm older by 6 months), and now he's a husband.

i guess...i just miss those days. and im scared about the future. and im happy for him. and im nostalgic and happy and sad and excited and scared all at the same time.

growing up is so scary sometimes...

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